Fondue For Two: Samcedes Special Edition
by mariposafria
Summary: What happens when Brittany decides to prank Sam and Mercedes on her live web-show?  Will they manage to keep their relationship a secret?


**DISCLAIMER****: ****I don't own anything, not the show, the characters, nada….**

**Fondue for Two: Samcedes Special Edition**

This is for **Jadziwine**, who complained about the lack of Samcedes updates tonight. I'm still struggling through my current update, but I posted this on my tumblr a while ago (it's ref often in the fic 'Samcedes Summer in LA'). Enjoy!

Brittany: Hello! I am your host Brittany S. Pierce. Everyone please give a big 'fondue for two' welcome to my guest today, Sam Evans.

Sam: Uhh, hi, thanks.

Brittany: So do you like fondue?

Sam: I don't know. I've never actually had it before.

Brittany: Usually its melted cheese and toast (thank-you Lord Tubbington, your super-chef skills are legendary!). But today we are having melted chocolate and strawberries.

Sam: Who is Lord Tubbington? Did he make the food?

Brittany: He is my cat, and no, this week he is visiting his aunt in Yakima.

Sam: Ooookay. So, why the menu change?

Brittany: Word on the street is you like chocolate.

Sam: Whose word, and what street?

Brittany: Uhh, Mercedes told me. I don't know where she lives.

Sam: Mercedes?

Brittany: Yeah. When I told her I was having you on the show she said, and I quote, 'Don't you try to feed Sam that nasty cat licked melted baby poop in a pot.' End quote. It hurts my head to memorize stuff.

Sam: So you were just taking her advice?

Brittany: Yeah, she scares me a little. She told me to go with either chocolate or cool ranch Doritos. Did you know that you can't melt cool ranch Doritos?

Sam: No, no I did not.

Brittany: Epic fail. Oh! I have a call—It's Lord Tubbington :). I'll be right back.

Camera: Well, what are you looking at, entertain us Lady Lips!

Sam (as Humphrey Bogart): Of all the web shows in all the towns in all the world, you're watching mine.

Sam (as Indiana Jones): Snakes. Why'd it have to be snakes?

Sam (as Indy's Dad): We named the dog Indiana.

Sam (as Yoda): Lost a planet, Master Obi-Wan has. How embarrassing... how embarrassing.

Sam (as Scotty): Just before they went into warp, I beamed the whole kit and kaboodle into their engine room, where they'll be no tribble at all.

Sam (as Bond): Auric Goldfinger - Sounds like a French nail varnish

Sam (as Spike from BTVS): Out. For. A. Walk….Bitch!

Sam (as Jack from Titanic): I am the king of the world!

Camera: 4 ½ out of 5 stars

Brittany: Sam, what's going on? I think you need to be exercised.

Sam: Why, do you think I'm fat? Damn, that sweet chocolate dip…

Brittany: No, I think you're possessed. I'm calling for back-up.

Sam: Brittany, put the phone down, I'm not possessed.

Brittany: No, stop with your lies. I need the power of the Holy Ghost. I'm callin' Mercedes.

Sam: On second thought, you go right ahead and do what you need to do.

Brittany: Mercedes, glad you could join us today. Welcome to the show.

Mercedes: Hi. Brittany, what am I doing here? Your message made no sense, all you said was, "Come over, Sam has demons, exercise."…_Exercise_.. puleeze, you definitely called the wrong sista'.

Sam: She meant 'exorcize'.

Mercedes: Ohhhh, yeah, thanks Sam, that explains everything, now I get it….Hell to the ummmm NO. Still Makes No Sense.

Brittany: Sam had weird voices coming out of his mouth. I need you to make them stop.

Mercedes: Weird voices?

Sam: I prefer kick-ass impersonations.

Sam (as Elvis): Thank you, thank you very much.

Brittany: See, see, I told you! Demon possession…now make it stop Mercedes.

Mercedes: How exactly am I supposed to do that?

Brittany: I dunno', Holy Ghost power?

Mercedes: What the fu-?

Brittany: I bet those demons crawl into his mouth at night while he sleeps…just like spiders. You just have to suck them back out.

Sam: Who cares what everyone says Brittany. You are a genius. Come to think of it, it has been 6 hours since my last really good demon purge…

Brittany: Ha, I knew it! I have a _one, two, three, four, five, si_—sick sense about these kinds of things.

Mercedes: Sick sense… of humor maybe. If I do this, won't I end up with demons?

Brittany: Nah, not to worry. Crazy voice demons are temporarily slayed by one of 4 things. One, Brittany S. Pierce awesomeness, but I'm sorta' taken right now, no offense Sam, two, total bad-assness as in Santana, but she's sorta' taken right now too so don't even go there, three, Queen Bee-otchness as in Quinn, who very is busy focusing on herself right now, and finally number four, Ultimate diva-liscousness, brought by Mercedes.

Sam: Huh? Hold on, should I be insulted?

Brittany: Very and always…

Sam: 'Cause I am very awesome and always bad-ass?

Mercedes: Mwahaha haahahahaha hahaahahaaa….Oh sorry….that wasn't funny.

Brittany: Sure you are 'Sam I am', totally. Who cares what everyone says, right? Lord Tubbington says you're the cat's meow…No, not really. I just made that up.

Mercedes: Mwahaha haahahahaha hahaahahaaa ….Oh sorry….that still wasn't funny.

Brittany: Look, we all know more demons will crawl back in tonight, but at least we can save the rest of the show. Mercedes, it's time to take one for the team. It's the only way to make it stop.

Sam: Well, what happens if she doesn't do it?

Brittany: You will die the lonely miserable death of ostrichization, where your hopeless dorkiness will overpower whatever cuteness you may have, your neck will get long and wrinkly, you will grow feathers, and no one will come near you. No bejeweled casket for you buddy. Mercedes, do you want that? Do you?

Mercedes: No… and you're crazy.

Sam: It all makes perfect sense to me…

Mercedes: Both of y'all are crazy.

Brittany: Come on Mercedes, pucker up, my sweet hot fudge Sundae.

Mercedes: Hot fudge_ what?_

Brittany: Sundae. That's what I call you in my diary.

Mercedes: Uhhh, thanks?

Brittany: Sam, don't look so shocked. I bet Mercedes tastes like chocolate and strawberries.

Mercedes: Chocolate, 'cause I'm black?

Brittany: Obviously…

Sam: Why strawberries?

Brittany: Same reason you taste like fake cherries. Chapstick….lots of chapstick. Let's get this show on the road. Slay those demons Mercedes!

Camera: Go Mercedes, go Mercedes, go Mercedes!

Mercedes: Fine, takin' one for the team and to keep you from being ostrichcized…

Mercedes: :-*

Sam: :-*

Brittany: Take your time. Make sure you get them all out.

Mercedes: :-*

Sam: :-*

Brittany: Seeeeee, that wasn't so bad.

Mercedes: I'll be right back….I have to take this, ummm….phone call…yeah, phone call.

Sam: What a coincidence. I have to also take a phone call…now. I will be right back.

Brittany: I'll be waiting. Ahhh, just me and you, what to do what to do?

Camera: The show was recorded, but not streamed?

Brittany: Yup.

Camera: Ooooooh Britt, you bad!

Brittany: So very…..


End file.
